What is sex?
The term “sex” can be used to define whether a person is biologically male or female. It also is a physical act that involves the stimulation of the sexual organs and an exchange of bodily fluids. Most commonly, “sex” implies vaginal intercourse, where the erect penis of the male enters the vagina of the female. Other activities are also sex; for example, oral sex is sex. Other activities that involve the exchange of bodily fluid such as anal sex and hand-to-genital contact are also sex. All forms of sex have similar consequences except pregnancy to vaginal sex, including STI/STD transmission and emotional attachment.

What is oral sex?
Oral sex is mouth to genital stimulation. Some other terms include: cunnilingus, going down, blow job, and “69.”

Is it harmful if a guy gets an erection, but does not ejaculate?
No – this is a common misconception. While it may feel uncomfortable for a bit, no one has ever become ill from not ejaculating or not having sex after becoming sexually aroused.

Don’t guys need sex more than girls do?
No. No one needs sex, the way we need food or shelter. You can’t die from virginity or sexual abstinence. Sometimes it seems like guys fixate on sex more than girls; the reality is that everyone’s sex drive is different, and is stronger at different points in their development.

The person I’m dating has been putting a lot of pressure on me lately to have sex, saying that if I really love him/her I’ll want to show it by having sex. I don’t think I agree, but I don’t know what to do!
Love and sex are not interchangeable. Love is a commitment to another person, and wanting the best for that person. If a person truly loves you, that person would never make you do something that you were not comfortable doing. Love is wanting what’s best for the other person. Putting you at risk is not showing love. And having sex outside of a truly loving, committed relationship may end up hurting, not helping the relationship. If the person you are dating cannot respect you and your feelings, maybe that person is not healthy to be around.

What if you only have sex with one person? Is having sex safe as long as you’re not sleeping around?
There are always risks when you decide to become sexually active with someone, regardless of whether or not that person is your only intimate partner. While you may think you know the person, people aren’t always honest about their sexual past. There is the risk of pregnancy and of STI/STD transmission if either of you have ever been sexually intimate with another person. They may not have been tested for STIs/STDs, but believe because they don’t see any symptoms they are “clean.” There are also emotional risks. Limiting the number of lifetime sex partners is always sound advice. The soundest advice is to have one lifelong, mutually monogamous relationship such as marriage with an uninfected person.

What is date rape?
Date rape is when a friend, date, or acquaintance forces sexual activity on another. You always have the right to refuse sexual activity, and after you have said, “no,” the other person is committing a crime if he or she continues to force sexual activity. A vast majority of sexual abuse, including rape, is done by someone the victim knows. Acquaintance rape often involves drugs or alcohol, which can lower a person’s awareness. There are even such things as “date rape drugs” that can cause a person to black out or become exceptionally drowsy, allowing the rapist to sexually assault the victim. Alcohol is the most common “drug” involved in date/acquaintance rape.

The best way to avoid date rape is to go to parties with friends you trust and who will all look out for each other. Never accept drinks from a stranger, and keep an eye on your own drink. People you might think are your friends, may not always have your best interest in mind. Do not use drugs or alcohol, which may limit your awareness or lower your inhibitions.

Also know that no one ever has the right to expect sex from a date, regardless of how much a guy spends on a girl, or how provocative her clothing is. Unfortunately, these are common misunderstandings that lead to tragic situations. You can help prevent these situations from arising by always being ready to pay for your own way and by not purposefully wearing extremely revealing clothing. Regardless, though, no means no, and every person has the right to say it.

I only need my boy/girlfriend, I don’t need other friends.
I know you really enjoy each other’s company, but there is no one person who can meet all your social, emotional, personal, and intellectual needs. It’s not a good idea to cut yourself off from other friends.

I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, is that a problem?
No. People chose to date, or not to date, at different times in their lives. It’s great that you have friends though.

My boyfriend/girlfriend gets really jealous when I talk to others – sometimes it’s scary.
That concerns me. Let’s look at this website for a description of healthy and unhealthy relationships: http://www.takecareonline.org/Takecare.html. Even though you like/love this person, we should explore your concern about safety. If this is an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, the best thing, even though it may seem hard at first, is to get out.

How do I break up with my boy/girlfriend and not hurt his/her feelings?
It’s hard to break up especially if it is a surprise to your boy/girlfriend. You need to be honest. Find the best time. It is good to be gentle when breaking up with someone, but you can’t predict how the other person will react. It is almost impossible to keep that person from feeling some bit of hurt or rejection. Ultimately, you just need to break it off.

My friend says she doesn’t matter unless she has a boyfriend – that makes her feel as if she’s important.
I take it you don’t agree. Some people feel that they always have to be in a relationship – it’s a form of status for them or they might only feel secure in a relationship. You might want to try to help your friend realize the quality of the relationship is far more important than just being in a relationship. And unless she can feel like a complete person without being in a relationship, she won’t be able to be a whole, secure person within a relationship. Help her to create an identity that is based on her talents and interests, not her role as a girlfriend.