| While parents might see “going out”
as a formal arrangement, much of teen social life is spontaneous
and informal. From meeting in the school halls, to chatting
after school while waiting for rides home, teen interaction
helps young people develop a sense of who they are. As your
child grows older, he or she will begin to become more interested
in spending time with members of the opposite sex. This is a
natural and healthy form of interaction when done within certain
boundaries.
Some parents may try to push their child into lots of social
activity, while others may try to discourage social interaction
altogether. Parents need to balance their approach to their
child’s social life, taking into account the child’s
desires and his or her best interest.
Teens rarely speak of “dating.” For practical
purposes, we will define a date. A date is when more than
one person agrees on a time to go someplace and do something.
There are four main categories for teen dates or activities:
Party - Involves lots of people and opportunities
to meet a variety of peers. If not well-supervised and planned,
they can easily get out of hand. Parties and group activities
can be opportunities for drugs, alcohol, and other forms of
negative peer influence.
Group date - Similar to a party, but more
structured, and involving teens who usually already know one
another.
Double date - An opportunity for teens to
get to know a member of the opposite sex without all the pressure
of a single date.
Single date - The “typical”
dating scene, where two people decide to spend time getting
to know each other. For teens with hazy boundaries or naivety,
this may lead to uncomfortable pressure situations.
While there are advantages and disadvantages to all four
types of dates, single dating is linked most tightly to sexual
activity. A study done at Brigham Young University found that
of the girls who began dating at age 12, 91% had sex before
high school graduation, compared with 20% of the girls who
did not single date until they were 16 years old. Single dating
can also lead young teens to miss out on other friendships
and school activities.
As a guideline, parents should be wary of early “single
dating” but should remain open to appropriate group
activities. Encourage your teen to think of creative ideas
for all activities - anything from group ice skating to volunteering
at a local soup kitchen. As a parent you will want to have
a number of fun, inexpensive, and interesting suggestions
for the all to frequent, “There’s nothing to do,”
complaint. For a list of great teen dating and activity ideas,
visit: http://www.saynoway.net/dating.shtml.
Be sure that whatever the activity, it is age appropriate
and supervised if necessary.
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