1. Start early. Even very young children need to hear about healthy relationships. Start talking with your child about positive friendships and respect early on, and then transition into talking about dating and physical relationships when your child is older. Answer young children’s questions about babies factually and lovingly.

2. Find “teaching moments.” It can be difficult to bring up a topic like sex without a starter. Sometimes a TV commercial or show, a scene in a movie, a song, a billboard or even a real-life situation of a friend or relative can present a great opener. Try asking your teen what he or she thinks about what you’ve just seen or experienced; for example, ask about appropriateness, accuracy, or feelings about the situation.

3. Be involved. Start early by making a pattern of asking your child questions and listening to your child, so that you are seen as confident and a resource. Also, know your child’s friends and the friends’ parents. Be aware of what is being taught in your child’s school. You are your child’s primary educator and should be involved in this important process.

4. Listen. This is a chance to find out what your child hears, thinks, and experiences. Acknowledge his or her viewpoint and the pressures that he or she faces. Show that you respect your child as a person by respecting his or her privacy.

5. Be clear. Communicate your values and expectations in a loving and clear way. Don’t simply make rules, but tell your child what you think he or she is capable of doing. Young people need boundaries and respond well to caring parents who set limits. If you want them to wait to have sex, say so.

6. Focus on the positive. Teen sexual behavior often results out of a sense of low self-esteem. Praise your child for the right decisions that he or she makes. You should also be careful not to demonize sex. Tell your child that sex, feelings, and hormones are natural and good, but are appropriate only within certain contexts.

7. Be open and available. Let your teen know that he or she can come to you at any time and ask to talk about anything. Do your best to be open and non-judgmental – regardless. It might be easier if you practiced what you might say ahead of time. If your child approaches you at a time when it is difficult to talk, make sure that you explain that you are busy and then immediately set up a time in the near future when you can address your child’s concern. If a child feels brushed off, he or she may not try communicating again!

8. Know the facts. Being prepared will help you answer any questions your child may have. What you experienced as a youth may be quite different from that of your child. There is more sex in the media and more pressures at school to be sexually involved. Be sure your child understands the only 100% certain way to avoid the negative consequences of early sexual involvement is abstinence.

9. Be honest. Always answer your child’s questions honestly and appropriately for his or her age. Use accurate terminology and names for body parts. Be sure to share your values with your child.

10. Have additional resources on hand. When talking with your preteen, have books, videos or pamphlets that explain puberty. Or, if you are talking with an older teen, there are resources available (link to our list of books/videos) that may help you convey your position to your child. After you have discussed them, leave these materials somewhere your child can easily use them.